Saturday, August 18, 2012

~Old Friend~

 I started having grand mal seizures at 19. They were infrequent, unpredictable and made me very uncomfortable, confused and exhausted for sometimes a week afterwards. After I was scanned, probed, sleep tested, studied, and made miserable I never got a definite diagnosis.They guessed it to be epilepsy but weren't certain..with no certainty I refused medication and dealt with the seizures on my own. Occasionally, I still get that feeling that I may have one. Being in loud places with lights and great music seem to trigger that feeling in my brain. I've been lucky enough to not have one for a long time. I do wake up some mornings or in the middle of the night feeling like I may have seized while asleep and will wake up sometimes very nauseous. Along with these curious seizures came anxiety. Wow. What a horrible creature anxiety can be. Anxiety can be different for people. For me: vertigo, vomiting, and other disabling reactions. I don't "feel like I'm dying" or the other clique terms people tend to associate anxiety with...I just feel like I have the worst flu you could ever imagine. Any kind of stress(good or bad) can trigger my seizures and feelings of anxiety. I haven't had an anxiety attack in almost 4 years and happy to say its been 8 since my last known seizure. I still go to concerts, places where there are gatherings, etc because I truly LOVE going...but I know that by avoiding them I'm guaranteed an anti anxiety/seizure filled evening.  I do not take medications and I tend to avoid stressful or exciting situations. Maybe one day if I feel like I can't manage it anymore i will start looking into medical options. I stay well rested, try to avoid alcohol, eat well, stay balanced, meditate on my blessings and gratitude, use some aromatherapy, and do different mind distractions to refocus: reading, walking, get focused on a project, write obnoxious to do lists, and fold laundry( i know its awfully lame but it helps). I try not to be bitter when I hear of adventurous 5 day music festivals some of my friends go to or when I'm celebrating with family or friends and everyone is drinking except me.  Adopting the process of babying my brain has kept me healthy for a nice amount of time and hopefully my "old friend" will stay just "old friend"


  1. I'm in the same boat with ya! Mine started when I was about 12 and I only have had about 1-3 per year since high school. I came to the determination that alcohol aggravated that "panicky" feeling and was directly related to the seizure actually occurring instead of just feeling like it might. I haven't drank alcohol in about 5 years and, although this is socially akward in some groups, it has provided me with a sense of control of my situation. In recent years, I have had one or less seizures per year...right now it has been 17 mos! Yay! I know that the sleep deprivation that comes with having babies has caused much of my troubles, but I wouldn't change a thing. I wish you joy, strength, and fertility as you begin this next chapter in your life!

    1. Thank you Angie! ;) I am slightly nervous to change my lifestyle with a lil one because I've managed to keep them at bay for such a long time..praying that yours stay away too! 17 months is a good spell! ~love always, M